You're Just Emotional

Let's talk about one of the most dismissive, avoidant, and ignorant statements.

Humans are inherently emotional beings. Everything we do is influenced by emotions. We all have emotions.

A whole lot of emotions.

However, “being emotional” has, in some contexts, become a catch-all, shame-based comment. It dismisses someone’s lived experience, assumes they can’t make sense of what's going on or communicate, and often reveals more about the speaker’s own inability or unwillingness to seek understanding or offer any support.

Emotions vs. Feelings

People use these terms interchangeably, but they’re not the same. And if you want to be emotionally intelligent, this difference matters.

Emotions

• Automatic, physiological responses to internal or external stimuli

• Hardwired in the brain (especially the limbic system, like the amygdala)

• Quick, instinctive, universal across cultures

• Short-lived (seconds to minutes unless reinforced)

• Purpose: to signal survival-relevant information and prompt action

Examples: anger, fear, joy, sadness, disgust, surprise

Feelings

• The conscious interpretation of emotions

• Formed when the brain interprets an emotion through memories, beliefs, and context

• Subjective, shaped by culture, past experiences, and personality

• Can linger for hours, days, or even years

• Purpose: to give meaning to emotions and help us reflect

Examples: hurt, disappointment, jealousy, pride, contentment

In short:

Emotions = raw data from your body (“I feel fear, my heart is racing”).

Feelings = your story about that data (“I feel anxious because I might fail”).

Why This Matters

If emotions are the raw data, then feelings are the way we give them shape. Thoughts influence feelings, which in turn can reinforce or shift emotions. That means we do have some choice in how we process and respond.

It is not okay to blame someone else for your reaction to something they said or did. That reaction belongs to you.

And just to be clear, this is not to be mistaken for — or confused with — a boundary or a consequence someone sets as a result of what you’ve said or done. Boundaries and consequences are someone else’s responsibility, and they’re a healthy part of relationships. Your reaction, however, is yours to own.

Everyone expresses and process emotions differently.

Because we've all lived a different life with varying conditions which have shaped how we deal with things. Some of us express them outwardly, some turn inward, and some suppress them altogether. It will look different from person to person — but one truth remains: we are all emotional beings.

That’s why telling someone not to feel a certain way, or brushing them off as “too emotional,” isn’t just unhelpful. It’s hurtful.

• Their emotions are not your emotions.

• Their feelings are not your feelings.

• If you react to their emotions, that reaction belongs to you, not them.

The mature response is awareness — noticing what someone’s emotions bring up in you, and making sure you don’t project it back onto them.

Emotional Intelligence

Having emotions does not make someone emotionally intelligent. Emotional intelligence is the awareness of emotions (in yourself and others) and the discerning ability to regulate or respond in a healthy way.

• Responding, not reacting.

• Processing, not suppressing.

• Awareness, not avoidance.

  
  

And just to be clear:

• Expressing emotions does not mean someone is emotionally unintelligent.

• Not expressing emotions doesn’t make someone emotionally intelligent.

Suppressing without processing almost always leads to repressed expression later.

But just because you can't visibly see someone's emotions, doesn't mean they are not there. People can often hide them or mask until they are feeling safe enough to let them show.

Dismissively calling someone emotional, especially when they're sharing their thoughts and feeling, is a certain way to deteriorate a connection and trust with them.

A Crayon Box of Emotions

To make this practical, imagine every emotion is a color. Crayons are the tools we use to express and process those emotions.

Some people only recognize a handful of colors — anger, sadness, happiness, fear. They’ll just grab any blue when they feel something heavy, because that’s all they know.

Others can see the subtle shades — turquoise, indigo, navy, sky. They have more language, more awareness, more nuance. They can pick the crayon that actually fits what they’re feeling.

And here’s the thing:

• Some people are color blind. They don’t know what crayons to use and may feel a certain way when they see someone else using several.

• Some people use 50 colors, while others only use 5 — and may not even know more exist, but they're still using them and don't know how.

• Others will break, throw, or hide crayons altogether because they don’t know what to do with them.

  
  

So it’s not okay to tell people they’re using the wrong crayon, or too many crayons. Mind your own crayons, especially when someone is trying to draw a picture for you.

The truth is, we can train our brains to see the colours and train our bodies to use the right crayons. Training through practice, experience, and pattern breaking.

The more colors you can see, the better you can use the crayons you have — and that’s emotional intelligence.

Closing Thought

"Emotions mislead you.

Feelings guide you."

— WatersAbove™

The next time you’re tempted to tell someone they’re “just being emotional..."

Pause.

This is an opportunity to connect — with them, and with yourself.

Remember: it’s not about dismissing what they feel. It’s about seeing the colors they’re trying to draw with — and maybe learning to see a few more shades yourself.

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